TRUMP INSURANCE

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Updated: July 11, 2020

In an age of madcap Trump-ery, no matter your politics, it pays to invest in “Trump Insurance” *Not investment advice

Ever since Donald Trump originally announced his candidacy for the presidency, most people across the world have had an opinion about him. The current environment of now, July 2020 at the time of this writing, is arguably clearly one of social unrest, an ongoing global pandemic, and a looming (chickens come home to roost yet again) global recession. One could also posit that the time is ripe for a change in the Whitehouse…or is it? Put your political leanings, emotional outrage, and partisan loyalty to the side and ask yourself: Do you want to make some money if the candidate that you do not want to win happens to win anyway? Would you like to cash a check if Trump wins? If so, keep reading.

Got any of that insurance?

You already probably have car insurance, health insurance, or property insurance. Why not add ‘Trump Insurance’ to the list? The difference is that you do not have to pay Trump Insurance every month, you do not need a check-up, and do not even need to fill out many forms. Any and everyone qualifies for Trump Insurance ~ the only thing we’ll need is a little seed money, combined with an educated roll of the dice. Read on for the full spin on how Trump winning can be good for you.

Masks, very good people wear masks, great people

Insurance is a Bet

The insurance companies are placing bets that the ‘unexpected’ will not happen. If they lose, then they pay you out. Let’s take car insurance for example. The insurance company assesses how likely you are to get into a car accident. They are willing to bet that you will not get into an accident, if you pay X-amount per month. If you do get in an accident, then they will pay their side of the ‘bet’. This is exactly what happens with Trump Insurance. You are going to bet that Trump – WILL – be the next president. If he wins, then you win your bet and get a payout. If he loses, then you won on the political side perhaps, but lost your bet on his astounding doubtful hegemony (or something something), so your ‘insurance’ bet expires, worthless monetarily, but then there is a new presidency to keep watch on.

How to Place the Trumpery Insurance Bet

You will need to make an account at one of the following ‘sportsbooks’ that take bets on the election. Then you will need to fund your account. After that, go to the section where you can bet on the election. Sometimes this is called “Politics”, while at other sportsbooks it is under “Entertainment” (ironic, huh?). Then if you want insurance on Trump winning the election, simply bet on Trump to WIN the election.

The Possible Results

Trump wins the election, and you win your bet. Your Trump Insurance policy pays off. Trump loses, and you are perhaps in good majority company relieved or even downright hot-diggity-dog happy (tenatively, the world’s still sometimes goin’ to hell in a handbasket, but ‘lest we digress) ~ your Trumpery Insurance policy expires worthless (you lose your bet). This is how you can hedge your politics. Regardless if you want to try and fund the next anti-Trump campaign, donate your winnings to a non-profit charity, or just want to buy some toilet paper for the next COVID-19 wave, you can * make actual, real-world money * on the election.

FBI very bad, very bad, Qannon something something, F B I , clean it up

Hey Plebeian

Why sit idly by and let the elite play games with money? These types of bets are available for everyone, an equal opportunity deployer, it is just a matter of understanding how to use sports-betting to your advantage for ‘real-world’ applications. Do you have skin in the game, or are you just in the basement doom-scrolling, trolling without accountability, or playing keyboard warrior?

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